Reflection and Health

I won't pretend 2021 was anything other than what it was. Stressful, and beyond all else, busy. Too busy for my mental health. But it brought beautiful moments, too. Releasing a heart book from my soul. Two best friends (almost sisters) bringing wonderful new souls into the world. Gaining another sisterhood with my favorite cousin. Reconnecting with a close friend from the past. Sharing laughs with another. Even some surprise smaller connections with fellow creatives.

Last year, my goal was to take a year off. But then I got fully immersed in the final steps of releasing Book Two. And I don't regret that. It was divine timing, and the ability to breathe again after years of fearing this release allowed me to better deal with the rest of what the year had in store. In-between company and marketing, I returned to Book Three, finding passion and escapism in vulnerable soul writing once again.

But some things were sacrificed. My health tanked. So, for 2022, my goal is to focus on health, physical and mental. Whether it's making time for reading, or having zero reading goals. Whether it's eating healthier, or savoring my desserts. Whether it's finding a better relationship with exercise (or any movement at all), or spending the day playing Sims or watching YouTube in bed. Whether it's sharing things I'm loving and feeling, or not posting for weeks. And whether it's writing more often for my own therapy, or completely ignoring writing unless I'm inspired. Yes, I said it.

My doctor wants me to find 'joy in my life again'. I almost laughed. My life has never been joyful. And to be honest, I've accepted that my over-sensitivity will be a lifelong partner, for better or worse. Joy feels impossible. But I do have a deep desire to find magic in the world through creativity and vulnerable connections, and in my own internal world, through exploration of my intense emotions and vivid imaginings.

I don't know what 2022 will bring. I want to stop predicting. And demanding things from myself. I just want to love with reckless abandon. People, animals, nature, fresh air, stories, and all the little and not so little things. And maybe myself, just a little bit. Small steps.