Attempting Acceptance

This year has been an almost constant battle with health issues, and I'm just so exhausted. I even slipped on the stairs last weekend. (Don't worry. In the end, I mostly just bruised my pride... and my butt. 😅)

It's finally beginning to sink in, though, that I have a chronic illness, which will continue to make the rest of my life more challenging and energy more scarce. After, you know, already living with chronic anxiety and depression for pretty much my entire life.

I wish I had something more positive to say about life right now. I know some people have way worse to deal with than I do. And I also know that in some ways I'm very fortunate. But I've always strived to be open and honest about my mental health struggles, and now, I need to admit that my physical health stuggles have become very draining to my mental state.

I'm scared I'll never get back to even what little I was able to accomplish before. I'm scared I won't ever have the energy to finish another book. That my myriad of stories will go untold. That my personal library of novels and manga will mostly go unread. That my backlog of games will be forever pushed aside for comforting things like Sims, when I even have the energy for that.

I am not giving up. I have good mental and physical health resources. (Which, sadly, not everyone can say.) I have my Mom. My sweet fur babies. And a couple of close friends. Inspiration and motivation have been more scarce, but writing does still happen. There will be better days. (At least, I hope so.) But this is where I'm at now. Trying to shake the shock of the last few years and finally settle into some level of acceptance.